Real Talk / Self - Love

We Are In Control Of Our Own Happiness

Evening amazing people of the world!

Today I want to talk about happiness, because personally to me it is the most important thing in life! If you are not happy then you need to change something within your life. People think happiness derives from materialistic items or going on luxurious holidays or having thousands of likes on there Instagram post. No my friends it is not! I feel we have all been brainwashed through marketing saying that you are not fully happy if you don’t have the life of a billionaire. I feel our priorities of being happy has shifted to being egotistical and making someone feel awful by pointing out there flaws than bringing someone up and being YES you are amazing just the way are! I mentally can’t get around how people think it is okay to put someone down, you never know someone’s mental stability. I was bullied for the majority of my school years as I was a bit over-weight and one of the only ‘black’ girls in my year. This has affected me into my adult years of how I perceive myself, but the people who bullied me wouldn’t of thought about how the consequences of there actions affected me as well as others.

I began my six week challenge as I have struggled with learning to love my body, especially when I get over a certain amount of weight it makes me feel super depressed. Since going through my six week challenge (currently on day six) it has shown me the willpower I have within myself and determination. Yesterday I was thinking to myself, the average length of the workout for the day is between 30-45 minutes which is roughly two episodes of Friends. The exercises in Chloe Ting’s workouts are gruesome, but after a few days your body gets stronger and even in these six days I have seen a big difference in my body which has encouraged me to keep on going.

Tips That Have Helped Me Become Happier:

Tip One: Surround Yourself With Loving People

I can not stress this enough! If you are around ‘friends’ who question who you are or make you look like an idiot to me pep up their ego and thinking they are better than you by continuously putting you down, you should question are they truly a friend? When you get older it isn’t about how many friends you have, but how many who have your back and you can rely on. When you are around people who have no aspirations in life apart from getting wasted on alcohol and drugs all the time, it will shortly rub off on you as that is the only thing you have in common within your friendship. I want friends who inspire me to better myself and encourage me to become the best version of myself.

Tips Two: Meditation and Affirmations

Since meditating and doing daily affirmations since February, I think more clearly, I’m less stressed and the little voice in my head saying I was worthless is slowly fading away. Our brain controls us of how we think and feel particularly our subconscious mind. ‘Your subconscious mind is a powerful force. It makes up around 95% of your brain power and handles everything your body needs to function properly, from eating and breathing to digesting and making memories.‘ I meditate when I wake up for roughly ten to fifteen minutes and afterwards I do my affirmations ( I will leave a link below of the affirmations I listen to). In total it is just under an hour but I dedicate to doing it as I feel a massive difference in how I perceive myself. If you continue saying I am fat, I am ugly, I am poor etc you slowly begin it and you put that energy out into the universe. You need to trick your subconscious into reversing the past thoughts on yourself. I have been doing affirmations on confidence and weight loss, no word of a lie I had no energy or motivation to even workout but I was super unhappy with my weight. After a week and a half all I want to do is exercise and I feel confident in who I am. The power of the mind!

Tip Three: Eating a Plant- Based Diet and Natural Medicines

I have been on and off vegetarian and predominately vegan for roughly three years. Since not eating meat I have lost a fair bit of weight, when I eat I feel energised and I am fully satisfied after my meals. Another bonus is I do not feel like I need a two hour nap after I eat. It has been told that even eating meat can transfer the emotions of the animals that were slaughtered to enter in to you! This is what Evolving Wellness wrote, ‘ Animals raised for meat under stressful conditions have a negatively altered biochemistry, which then negatively alters ours.Think about yourself and what happens to you in times of stress. The number one thing that happens to all animals under stress is an elevation of stress hormones, which initialise a whole slew of other biochemical reactions that lead away from an animal’s healthy balanced state. This of course leads to various diseased states in the body. When we consume this meat, whether you embrace the Eastern views of karma, chi energy, and chakra disruptions or not, eating meat from stressed and diseased animals is not only bad for our physical health, but for our mental, emotional, and spiritual health as well.‘ I know it can be a very debatable subject but it is something I personally believe. I have not take any kind of pills including paracetamol or ibuprofen in a very long time as I there are so many side effects on man-made medication. We are part of nature and nature heals natures so I would rather have a mint tea or take herbal remedies than a substance I can not pronounce properly.

Tip Four: Exercise

Whenever I workout, sometimes I am hating every bit at the start but afterwards I feel so powerful and proud that I have accomplished it and one step further to working towards the body I imagine to have. When I exercise I put my mind into best mode and push my body and in a weird way it is some kind of meditation (personally for me) of pure focus. I am starting to love this daily ritual of dedication to myself and even more when you begin to see the results of your body becoming stronger and toned. It has been proven that exercise helps relieve anxiety, depression and being in a negative mood by improving your self esteem. If you worked out for thirty minutes a day out of the twenty four hours, you are not only going to look better but feel more confident within yourself. There are multiple workout videos on YouTube and they’re free!

Tip Five: Connect To Nature

My boyfriend and I have been growing our own herbs and vegetables on our balcony and seeing the growth journey of the plants gives me a new found respect for how long it takes to grow a tomato or a bulb of garlic. We are so used to our food being 24/7 ready we forget the process it takes for it to get on to our plate. I live in London which is a concrete jungle and being away from nature takes a toll on you and your mood. Sometimes I will go for a walk in Hampstead Heath to reconnect with nature as relieves my anxiety and stress. I am aware we are quarantined so even listening to nature sounds of the sea or wind can benefit your mood.

Tip Six: Alone Time

Since I can remember I have been told it is sad to do things alone, whether it was going to the cinema or eating at a restaurant. However what if you have friends who do not want tot go see that movie that you have been dying to watch or you want to visit this place as you want to discover the culture but nobody is free to go. Why should you miss out on opportunities that will bring you joy, because someone said it is sad to go alone. Fuck it! Life is short and if you think too much of what people ‘might’ think then you are missing out on so many things. I have travelled to countries by myself and it is so refreshing as you can eat where and when you want plus visit the places that YOU want to see. But the most important thing is to get to know who you truly are and what makes you happy in life. Even dedicating one day of the week ( the more days the better) to accomplish something that brings you happiness and not trying to use the majority your energy thinking about other people, because slowly but shortly you use all your energy on others. Then you’ll forget who you are as you haven’t done something just for you in such a long time. This will gradually bring unhappiness as you are not being your true self.

These are my top tips that have brought me happiness into my life so far and I have never felt so light and determined in my whole life, I know for some people these are a complete NO! But don’t judge before you try as you never know it could actually change your life. Just like plants, they need nurture, water and patience to blossom into the beauty it is yet to become.

Thank you for reading my post I hope it has given you some insight to bring you towards your own inner happiness. Tomorrow I will be posting about my first week’s journey of my six week self care challenge. If you want to see daily videos of what I am getting up to within these six weeks follow me on my Instagram account tahjana_mccoy!
About Author

I am a twenty-nine-year-old fashion enthusiast who shares colourful quirky outfits as well as my own insight into my other passions - such as beauty, travel, health and vegan food. My biggest passion combined with fashion is photography! I began a project in 2015 called 'Style Explorer', where I travel the world to capture unusual style from incredible people as well as engaging with the culture through my lens.

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